For a father to be

Posted in Uncategorized on October 19th, 2004 by Jo

I found this article by Andrew Marlatt and found it interesting..

When it’s baby time, don’t you be the one in the hospital

New fathers get so much advice, most of it well intentioned, some of it even useful, but there is no more substantial, practical, and comprehensible advice than this: Do not get microplasma pneumonia two days after your child is born and get admitted to the hospital three days after your wife — who’s just had a c-section and can barely move — gets home with your newborn son.

Really. This is good advice. I wish I’d taken it.

The history of this wise counsel is as follows: My wife, Susan, gave birth to our son Walker and two days later I was lying on her hospital bed, holding him as she took adorable pictures of us. At no point, however, did it occur to either of us that Susan, just 48 hours after an unusually difficult c-section, looked a good deal healthier than I did. We were excited. We were distracted. We were new parents and assumed that one of us was always supposed to be exhausted. And besides, I accepted my exhaustion as a badge of honor.

Evolution of a basket case

We had gone into the hospital on a Sunday at noon. Walker was born 29 hours later. Then I “slept” in the room with my wife that night and the next. During the days, while she slept, I ran errands, called relatives, got clothes, said “He’s really big!” a lot, fed the cat, showered, tried to exchange our newborn diapers for a larger size, said “He’s really big!” some more, then eventually returned to the hospital just in time to be kept awake all night by the kindly nursing staff.

I did finally make it home the fourth night. Tired, shivering, achy, I fell into bed like a wet parachute. The next morning I had a fever of 102 degrees. I called the hospital. They wouldn’t let me come in. Susan and Walker weren’t due home until the next day, so I stayed on the couch and slept the day and that night away. Home came my family, courtesy of Susan’s parents, to find me dough-faced, slack-eyed, and slumped on the couch, with three sweaters on and a bandanna over my face.

My fever rose, soon to be joined by a cough, a strong cough, a please-can’t-you-go-into-another-room-and-do-that cough, and, eventually, a diagnosis of bilateral microplasma pneumonia. On Monday, one week after my son’s birth and three days after my wife was released from the hospital, I was admitted to that same hospital. It was heart-wrenching to be apart. With only a photograph to remind me of his physical existence, I broke into tears at the mere mention of him. And yet my friends would call or stop in, ask how I was, and say helpful things such as, “Gosh, I’ll bet you miss your son, huh?”

It doesn’t have to happen to you

Now, I do not point all this out for sympathy. I do not point all this out in hopes that pitying hospital administrators will give us a “20% Off Next Delivery” coupon. I point this out as a warning to new fathers. The temptation to hover is strong. You want to be there. You want to connect with your child and come across as more loving, caring, and emotionally involved than your father, who, while your mother was in labor, was valiantly trying to talk the waiting room receptionist into tuning in the Packers game.

But when your child is born, your family needs you in one piece, ready and able to handle things when your wife gets out of the hospital. So limit yourself to one night. Then go home and sleep. It’s the last good sleep you’ll get for, oh, 18 years. (This pertains to the first child. Starting with the second child, and definitely by the third, most fathers are back home before the obstetrician.)

I learned the hard way, but there’s no reason you have to suffer the same fate. In fact, I learned some other things the hard way, which is why I feel justified in offering these further bits of new-fatherly advice:
• Settle on the name beforehand. At the hospital, you’re emotional, you’re tired, you’re taking “Mr.-Marlatt-I’ve-never-quite-seen-a-baby-held-that-way-before” lessons from the aftercare nurse. This is not a good time to choose the name that your child will live with until the day he or she can legally change it. And no, don’t count on a miracle: that on first view your child will so resemble some beloved relative / celebrity / friend that you will instantly know which name to use. Frankly, if parents named their children after that first visual impression, there would be a plethora of youngsters out there named “Congealed Tomato Soup.”

Another reason to choose a name early: It’s a great distraction during the seemingly endless last trimester. It worked for us. Parents often name their child after some favorite and highly respected figure from literature, science, or the arts: Albert for Einstein, Marie for Madame Curie, Anton for the great Chekhov. Such names are considered a direct reflection of parentage, implying not only that the child might be as bright as his or her namesake, but that the parents also possess the same attributes. We tried this, searching our minds for prestigious personae, bandying about names sure to reflect our own depth and breadth of knowledge. But in the end, we just couldn’t see calling our son “Beavis.” So we used a family name, Walker.
• Relatives flying in? Airport not close to you? One word: Hertz.
• Make sure the house is stocked with the postpartum essentials: milk, microwave meals, mother-in-law.
• During the actual delivery, it is not prudent to bring up the subject of successive children. You’d be astonished at the reaction this gets.
• After the baby arrives, there are so many calls to make, and you really can’t let your relatives and close friends hear the news from anybody but you … or can you? For an extra $50, hand one of the delivery nurses your phone list. Nothing like getting news from the source: “Hi, Mrs. Marlatt? Guess what? I just delivered your new grandson!”
• The car seat: Have an experienced parent put it in for you. You can’t take the baby home without a car seat, and after the sea of showers, you’ve probably got six to choose from. But unless you’ve practiced, don’t try to figure it out yourself on Going-Home Day because they won’t let you drive the baby off in a seat secured by duct tape and fishing wire.
• The Celebratory Cigar. The Celebratory Drink. Here’s a better idea: the Celebratory Nap.
• Stay in touch with your physical condition. If you begin to feel ill, back off. Don’t moan about it. Don’t stew about it. Don’t, in other words, put your wife in a position where she feels compelled to present some rather graphically persuasive evidence as to why she should feel worse than you do. Just go home.
• Cry. Crying is normal. You may cry, your wife may cry, the grandparents may cry. The baby definitely will cry — may, in fact, cry so earnestly that he strips the paint off the walls. At some point in those first months, probably around 2 a.m., this will get to you, and that’s normal, too. But think of it this way: It’s better to be at home holding your child and listening to him wail than in a hospital bed with tubes in your arms and CNN on and your sister looking at your only photo of your son and saying, “Gee, I saw him today. He looks so much different now.”

And I don’t point this out for sympathy. I point this out to remind myself not to do it again next time. If there is a next time. I really shouldn’t have broached the subject during the delivery

Wedding video

Posted in General on October 11th, 2004 by Jo

After months and months Warwick (thank you sweetie, you’re the best!) edited the wedding video and you can see it by clicking on the link we’re getting married in the right top corner, or just going to www.weregettingmarried.co.uk, there are also lots of pictures if you haven’t seen it yet!
:grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:

Please vote/Glosowanie

Posted in Uncategorized on October 10th, 2004 by Jo

Thanks to uncle Mark we have a voting system, where you can cast your vote on how our baby will look like, when will it be born, will it be a boy or a girl, etc….

Please click here to place your vote or go to http://vote.babyleicester.com. :wink:

Prosze zaglosujcie, jak sadzicie nasz dzidzius bedzie wygladal, kiedy sie urodzi, czy to bedzie chlopak, czy dziewczynka, itd… Prosze nacisnij tu aby zaglosowac. Lacznie miesci sie tam 5 pytan, prosze pociagnac mysza do dolu gdy znajdziecie sie na stronie glosowania.

Happy birthday!

Posted in Uncategorized on October 7th, 2004 by Jo

Wszystkiego najlepszego z okazji urodzin! Zdrowia, szczescia, spelnienia wszystkich marzen!
Od nas obojga.
xxx :razz: